Final Thoughts

NONLEGAL BUT MEANINGFUL

I really have always thought of myself as an old fashion family solicitor who offered generally wise counsel on life, some of it legal and some not. The most enjoyable part of being a family friend is to help your friends avoid trouble. I want you to know that I am conservative and my advice is conservative.

These are my observations from visiting with several thousand clients through the years and hearing each one’s stories. Sometimes these observations were my own distillations resulting in truths which perhaps even the client, now my friend, who had lived the story did not realize. I’d like to share them with each visitor to my website and hope that these observations will assist you in living better, planning better, and gaining a better and more satisfactory result as you age and look at your life in retrospect.

We all set our priorities, some of us intentionally, some unintentionally. Live life on purpose. The good result is not guaranteed, but is certainly promoted. Some of these observations are counter to prevailing opinion. However, in observing the contemporary masses, do you really want to gain their result?

1.	Money should not be invested if it is likely to be needed in the short term. An investment’s value can always fluctuate downward just when you need the principal.
2.	One of the factors most determinative of personal wealth of those age 60 and older is whether their children are self sufficient and the extent to which their children are self sufficient. Many parents who are supporting their children for any reason (1) unemployment, (2) divorce, (3) slothfulness, (4) disability, etc., simply are unable to accumulate the cash resources necessary to discharge remaining debt and retire well.
3.	Poor health will cost you. Understand the principal of: “Pay now or pay later“ It is wiser to expend the funds for nutritious unprocessed foods and time for exercise now, together with reasonable boundaries on obligations and time commitments, or chances are increased for a host of diseases which reduce life long productivity, length of years that one is able to produce, and general happiness and well being.
4.	Be happy in your work if at all possible: (A) Less depressed, (B) Increased creativity (C) Increased productivity (D) Likely there is a correlation between A-C above and greater earnings.
5.	Do not rely on government programs of any sort. The promise and the program is here one day and gone the next.
6.	Marriage
	(A)	If one is not married, consider carefully any prospective mate.
	(B)	If married, maintain your marriage. Divorce is expensive! The more years one has been married, the more expensive it may be. (i) Financially, one may lose roughly one-half (½) of the community estate. (ii) Children of the marriage who do not adjust well - will likely suffer academically forfeiting many scholarships for college. This loss alone may be a cost of $40,000 and upwards for one child. may incur expensive therapy to cope. (iii) Emotionally exhausting. (iv) Decreased productivity, meaning that if one’s pay is commensurate with productivity one may likely lose financially here as well.

In marriage, spouses change, mature, have new or different aspirations and dreams, and must continue to work on this relationship, just as they would any other relationship. Spouses sometimes treat their friends better than they do one another. This should not be so. A good set of manners simply goes a long way.

Read These Books* Together And Discuss;

The Five Love Languages	By Gary Chapman
Wild At Heart	By John Eldredge
Captivating	By John & Stasi Eldredge
Friends, Foes & Fools	By Dr. James Merritt
His Needs, Her Needs	By Willard F. Harley, Jr.
The Total Money Makeover	By Dave Ramsey
DIY Financial Renovation Kit	By Crown Financial Ministries
Making Love Last Forever	By Gary Smalley

*(Another Rule of Thumb: Not everything in a book will speak to you necessarily. Take what is good for you and leave the rest. If you learn one new thing per book, then it was not a waste.)

7.	Parent Well.
	(A)	Be unified as parents. If you differ, discuss away from the child.
	(B)	Make reasonable rules and publish (Just explain the rule and the why behind it).
	(C)	Be consistent and always be kind.
	(D)	When your child is willing to talk, listen.
	(E)	If you are angry, be quiet and consider carefully. (Tell your child that you will discuss after consideration)
	(F)	Many hands make light work. Therefore, every person who lives in your home and calls themselves family must have age appropriate work to do. Each has a contribution to make. This contributes to self esteem and is a personal investment in your family for the child.
	(G)	Have wise friends who are telling and advising your children as you are. It will provide you with reinforcement and definitely make you seem less odd.
	(H)	Immediately, but calmly, confront an adult who has involved your child in that adult’s criticism of your faith or other fundamentals which you and your spouse have agreed upon as tenants for child rearing, severing the relationship permanently if resolution cannot be reached.
	(I)	Do not get caught up in small differences of opinion. (5 Year Rule: If is will not matter in 5 years, do not regard it as important) Caveat: Character is always important.
	(J)	Allow your child to enjoy childhood. Adulthood comes too soon. Do not rush your child into adulthood by by encouraging the child to dress older or date too soon. Allow the child to develop emotional maturity and long term judgment skills. Rather “hold” the child back. Establish well in advance of the child’s request the age or criteria for certain activities and privileges.
	(K)	Homework is an important part of education. After a snack and as soon as is practicable after school, have your child do their homework. The kitchen table is a great place to accomplish this work.
	(L)	Allow children to suffer the natural consequences of bad choices. The earlier this occurs, the less likely that the consequences will be severe. Also this child will likely make good choices as he ages, when a bad choice would have more severe consequences. A child needs to learn to own his behavior.

Remember that our society is not so short on knowledge as short on application.

Parents who make outrageous threats (and of course do not follow through), involve innocent bystanders in their threats, and engage the child in juvenile arguments in public lose the respect of their child and others.

Unfortunately, not every child will succumb to great parenting, however, persist. It is a fact that great parenting increases the odds of adults who are an asset to society and their families.

ABOVE ALL: REMAIN CALM AND CARRY ON.¹

Calm parents often have calm children. Modeling desired behavior, thinking, communication, and analysis necessary for good judgment is far more determinative than anything we say as parents because what we do is an accurate manifestation of our true values and beliefs. Children are not fools. They will perceive insincerity and truth.

¹ Ministry of Information, U.K., 1939

Back to Main Articles Page